Some Things are Missing in Town

In town it's difficult to appreciate the night sky due to the light pollution.

Stepping outside in the morning certain things are missing. You just don't see these in town. The next three photos show what is not present.

The first one is one of my favourites where Brooklyn saw her first moose. She was not sure what it was, so decided to lay down and observe. The shot was on the Acreage at first light and turned out pretty good for hand held low light. Brooklyn weighs 109 pounds to give you some perspective of the size of the cow.

The shot below was of a cow moose and two calves that wandered up to the house. Again, captured at first light from the deck.

Of course, Whitetail Deer were a dime a dozen. I kind of like the look of this doe that has just given birth within the last few days.

These have been posted before, but remain some of my many favourites.

The Project

This project was one of necessity. Our place is built up about 6 feet above the driveway. To meet the criteria for an access ramp, it meant 72 feet of ramp had to be built, with landings for resting every so many feet.

 After much mental thinking, I was able to utilize the existing landings and only had to build 2 additional ones to meet code.You can see the existing steps in the fore ground, and see the construction needed to make the "U" and tie into the landing at the bottom of the 3 steps.

 That landing continued onto another 16 foot ramp, to another landing and then another 16 foot ramp down to the lower landing.

 I still have to install hand rails and toe boards to prevent a walker from coming off the ramps.

While finishing up for today, I noticed Biz feeding away from her herd mates and joining up with a deer.

My Dad gave me some advice when I was a kid. He said something like

" If you have a job to do, read a book on how to do it. The knowledge will be with you forever. If you need a tool, buy it. It will last longer than you. Do it yourself, unless you are making $25 per hour." (going rate for a tradesman at that time

That was sound advice that has served me well over the years.

Bits and Pieces

Once the moose move in, the willows and shrubs start to suffer. It's not all bad because when the snow is deep, food is a little scarce for bunnies etc. I've noticed over the last few years the rabbits seem to follow the moose. Moose break it down, leaving tender tips available at ground level.

 Brooklyn was feeling lazy and decided to watch me rather than join me on the walk.

 This must have been a fairly inebriated mouse as he certainly did not walk a straight line!

 Even though it's only coming up mid February, the mild temperatures and additional sunlight is causing the melt rings around the tree trunks. Spring...Bring it on!

As you can see, there is not much happening on the Acreage. Tomorrow it's trim Tucker's feet day and clean up the paddock again. Oh yeah, coffee at 09:00 at A&W with the boys. I'm getting tired just thinking about all that activity.

This Sums it Up

I am quoting from a CTV show this morning.

" There are three types of people in the world:

1. Those that are Scots
2. Those that want to be Scots
3. Those with no ambition at all."

Happy Robbie Burns Day everybody!

A Very Useful Tool!

This awl was picked up at a hardware store about 30 years ago. I see that they are still available along with the very heavy waxed thread. The exploded picture shows just how simple it is. My favourite type of tool. It has no moving parts to break. The bobbin holds enough thread to sew up almost anything without refilling. I use it to repair boots, broken straps on back packs, torn canvas, repairing leather boots (putting buckles, straps etc back on), tents and whatever need to be repaired that a regular needle won't do.

The awl part lets you push the needle through two thicknesses of 1/4 inch leather if you need to. The triangular needle is heavy duty and cuts through leather easily without hurting your hand.

It's another tool that has been around forever and has withstood the test of time! It's worth looking for one.

From Wikipedia

A stitching awl is a simple tool with which holes can be punctured in a variety of materials, or existing holes can be enlarged. It is also used for sewing heavy materials, such as leather or canvas. It is a thin, tapered metal shaft, coming to a sharp point, either straight or slightly bent. These shafts are often in the form of interchangeable needles. They usually have an eye piercing in it at the pointed end (as opposed to normal sewing needles) to aid in drawing thread through holes for the purpose of manual lockstitch sewing, in which case it is also called a sewing awl. Stitching awls are frequently used bycobblers (shoemakers) and other leatherworkers. Sewing awls are useful for making lock stitches. The needle, with the thread in the eye is pushed through the material. The thread is then pulled through the eye to extend it. As the needle is pushed through the material,the extra thread from the first stitch is then threaded through the loops of successive stitches creating a lock stitch. The action is likened to that of a "miniature sewing machine". Styles may vary, as they are adapted to specific trades, such as making shoes or saddles. They are also used in the printing trades to aid in setting movable type and inbookbinding.

Shoemakers consider sewing awls to mean for sewing leather, i.e. what archaeologists call "edge-flesh stitching"; while stitching awls are meant for stabbing through leather.

The English disparaging term “cobblers,” usually meaning “nonsense,” is Cockney rhyming slang for “balls” from the phrase “cobblers’ awls.” For shoemakers, "Cobblers" are people who repair shoes, not those who make shoes. This differentiation is ancient in the English language.

When he was an infant, Louis Braille gouged his eye with an awl by accident. The one eye was destroyed instantly, and the resulting infection claimed the other eye, making him blind by the time he was four. The accident spurred Braille to the invention of the famous Braille alphabet. Ironically Braille created the raised-dot system by using an awl.

Written by Hannah Rice Myers 

Stitching, or sewing, has been an intricate part of human life since the dawn of time. It is how clothes and shoes are made, as well as book bindings and saddles. The intricate holes and details of material are made with a stitching awl, a sewing tool with many purposes and variations in design. Every type of awl is designed for the specific type of work being completed.

When I Was Younger

1. We walked to school in the  rain, snow or sleet, +30C (86F) to -40C (-40F), uphill, both ways. We also came home for lunch at noon. There was a public bus, but only weenies rode it.

2. The snow was much deeper then, up to our thighs at times.

3. We played outside, no matter what the weather, walking 3 miles each way to ski at the golf course.

4.  We swam about 3 miles per day in the summer, in the lake, unsupervised, from a beach to an island to a dock to another beach and back.

5. Our parents were not paranoid about us getting drowned, hurt, or abducted.

6. The local police had a way of straightening out delinquents that is not socially acceptable today. It worked, and generally left no marks.

7. There was a place for Juvenile Delinquents, where you definitely did not want to go! (See 6, it didn't always work)

8. The newspapers published names, so that the community knew who and what they were dealing with.

9. You left your house, garage and whatever unlocked when you were out. (See 6,7, 8 above)

10. The first day for swimming was the 24th of May, even if it meant breaking ice on the creek.

11. We sang "Oh Canada" and had morning prayers in the public school system. That meant that we knew where we lived and who God was. Non-believers were few, and could be excused from singing or attending the prayer session if they so wished. A few would sit it out, but no one commented on it.

12. After a few warnings, children could be strapped in the school system. It hurt like heck, but also hurt in the pride. Trust me, I know! When word got back home, it generally called for another licking as a reminder.

13. Parents could spank their children when necessary, without Social Services showing up at the front door.

14. Kids respected their parents, their parents property, and the property of others.

15. Graffiti? What's that?

16. If you fouled up and damaged something, your parents were responsible for restitution. (See 13)

17. When you encountered a bully, you duked it out which generally resulted in a resolution. If you won, problem solved. If you lost, problem also solved, as the bully knew you would fight back. If you were caught, Item 12 above applied which was a lose/lose situation for both.

18. Children respected and honoured their parents.

19. Children knew who their parents were. If a guy got a girl in the family way, he was expected to drop everything, get a job, and marry her. At age 16 to 18, that was a BIG deterrent.

20. Divorce was almost unheard of, and seen as shameful.

21. From the age of about 13, you were responsible for your own actions. I was underprivileged because my parents were alcoholics, separated, black, white or ? did not cut it. My Dad was a Justice of the Peace, and to make a point at about this age, he took me to the local  gaol, into a small room, and had me stand on a square on the floor. Yes, it was the hanging room, and yes, our Provincial Jail still hung people in those days. It made an impression that bad things can happen to people who make bad decisions. It's a little more than the slap on the wrist you get nowadays. Oops, can't slap on the wrist any more!

Looking at Society as a whole today, I would much rather be raised in  "The Good Old Days" than the way it is today.  It's too bad that this part of the clock can't be turned back! Maybe it could be if people would take the time to revert to the old values of God and Country and a judicial system that promoted responsibility!
FWIW.

Who's Going to Miss It!

As the deadline for the big lock out looms (tonight), I ask myself "Just how greedy can things get?" 

Here are some of the highest paid athletes in the world from $400,000 per year up to 100+ millions saying that it's not enough, we want more. Sure, the career might be short, but not always. Properly managed, the financial earned in one or two years properly invested can set the player up very well for the rest of his life.

Then there are the owners. I really feel sorry for these millionaires. They are allegedly losing money. Ha! They have priced the family attendance to games out of this world.  Still, they want more!

The players union is a farce. They are not looking after the player's interests at all. They are on a power struggle with management to see who can "win". I have news for both parties. You both are going to lose in revenue, in fan loyalty and in reputation. 

I am interested in the outcome mainly to satisfy my inquisitiveness about how far this greed will go.

I lost interest in the NHL many years ago when it became obvious (to me at least) that the almighty dollar was more important than the game. Should the lock out occur, then maybe the networks will start carrying the World Tiddlywinks Championship events. It should be more entertaining than watching highly overpaid athletes parade around the rink.  

There are better things to do on the Acreage than watch that crap.

It Pays to Be Patient

It has been a tough year getting the quirks out of Alpine. We can now pick up all her feet (one at a time). We can now put our hand on the top of her head without her blowing up. It has been a long road, and a tough one to get her trust level up to where it should be. She is still the alpha mare of the herd, and not to be mussed with. All the time spent paid off today!

Elaine is away at family camp and I am into the-get- Alpine- used- to- trail -riding. I decided to wander over to our hay supplier's place to see when the cutting begins. With all the storms we did not get there. The swampy area was flooded and we had a bit of a tussle as to whether she would go through knee deep water and long grass. She did. When we got to a creek, the trail became impassible. Swamp on both sides and a ditch with about 4 feet of water in it.

So, we turned around and started back up the power line. On the way down  Alpine was very reluctant to go past a certain spot. I spun her until I was dizzy and she complied and moved on.

Coming back I saw the reason for the reluctance. There was a good sized black bear feeding on the power line right of way. Alpine saw the bear and went to Defcon 3, and froze. Now this is my idea of the start of a nightmare. Horses hate bears and normally high tail it away at warp speed.

I hollered  and waved and the bear stood up on its hind legs, took a look and headed into the bush. I waited a moment and then urged Alpine on. She walked by as if nothing had happened. Good horse!

All the time that I have spent with her was worth it at that moment. She accepted me as leader, and trusted me not to feed her to a horse eating bear.

Farther along, we spooked out 2 whitetail deer and she did not even flinch.

That was one of my worst fears, to meet a bear or a moose on a trail and get tossed. It's funny how, when the  unexpected happens, sometimes the worst fear is in the anticipation.

Yes, I did have a camera with me, but discretion said to me, don't muss with a camera, she could still blow up!

That's It for This Year!

From this....

 And this...

 to this...

 And this... in only one week!

The snow is almost gone. Yeah!!  The mattock took out the bulldozer humps and buried trees. The quad and harrow leveled off the final rolling bumps and turned the humus into the soil. All that remains to do now once it dries up a bit is to move the free firewood out and toss down some hayseed. Did you get that? FREE firewood...donations accepted declined. I almost forgot. Burn the stumps and roots next winter.

My Favourite Tool!

I love it when a tool stands the test of time and actually works as it should


I was using a pick ax and a 6 pound regular ax to remove stumps and roots and to level about 600 feet of bulldozer refuse left over from when the developer pushed a road into the acreage. The mounds of dirt were generally piled up on top of the trees that they knocked over. I bought the closed road from the County and started out to clear up the mess. I was browsing through the local supplier store and came across this baby. Does it work! It cuts roots, levers out the old stumps and also levels the ground, just as advertised. I can now think of many other uses such as drainage ditches, road improvements and other things that need to get done. At $26 it is about 15 minutes of bulldozer work, less the set up time, and is on call anytime I need it. It's also cheaper than a gym membership.



Here is what Wikipedia says :"  Mattocks are "the most versatile of hand-planting tools". They can be used to chop into the ground with the adze and pull the soil towards the user, opening a slit to plant into. They can also be used to dig holes for planting into, and are particularly useful where there is a thick layer of matted sod. The use of a mattock can be tiring because of the effort needed to drive the blade into the ground, and the amount of bending and stooping involved.



The adze of a mattock is useful for digging or hoeing, especially in hard soil.

Cutter mattocks (Swahili: jembe-shoka) are used in rural Africa for removing stumps from fields, including unwanted banana suckers.

As a simple but effective tool, mattocks have a long history. Their shape was already established by the Bronze Age in Asia Minor and Ancient Greece., and mattocks (Greek: μάκελλα) were the most commonly depicted tool in Byzantine manuscripts of Hesiod's Works and Days.

Mattocks made from antlers first appear in the British Isles in the Late Mesolithic. They were probably used chiefly for digging, and may have been related to the rise of agriculture. Mattocks made of whalebonewere used for tasks including flensing – stripping blubber from the carcass of a whale – by the broch people of Scotland and by the Inuit.

Always Prepared!.....NOT!

Normally, when I go out to work with the horses, I take my camera and hang it on the fence post with the camera on the outside of the post to keep inquisitive noses off.

Today, I did not.

Picture this. I am on the pasture side of the fence grooming Alpine (man is she tossing hair). The other two horses are standing by waiting for their turn when I looked up and saw Boots laying down watching the horses. That dog has a compulsive disorder of some kind. Just behind him are two deer at the salt lick about 30 feet from me and 10 feet from Boots.

I reached for my camera, and..... Somebody give me 12 lashes with a wet noodle!  The camera was in the house!

I was left watching two horses watching two deer who were ignoring one dog.

To top it off, they one by one walked over to the fence and jumped it by a good margin.

No photos today.

Grrrrr.

Prostitution Law Changes

This is a little off my normal trend, but it would appear that our Canadian government is proposing changes to the prostitution laws that would allow brothels to be operated in Canada. It also would decriminalize prostitution. It appears that Canadians have until the end of June to make their voices heard.

Below is a letter that I have written to my member of Parliament, The Prime Minister of Canada and the Justice Minister.  Write your own or in other ways voice your protest of these  changes.

I have seen where it will go, as stated in the letter, and should it pass, I feel that our Country is accelerating the slide into total depravity.




Dear Prime Minister Harper

I have been a voting Conservative since I was 18.

 

Yesterday I heard about the proposed changes that your government is proposing to the prostitution laws in Canada. I was appalled!

In 1986 I was able to see first hand where this legislation proposal will take Canada, namely the practices condoned in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. I had a 24 hour layover with a guided tour. This tour showed me the depravity that legalized prostitution can cause. I witnessed 20 year old women 90% naked on display like raw meat in a butcher shop. I also saw the side effects of uncontrolled pornography and legalized drug access. To say that I was disgusted would be an understatement!

Should your government pass these changes, I can guarantee that I will not be voting conservative in the future, period.

I believe that you are a God fearing man, and that you are representing our Country in a good way, however, I can not condone these proposed actions.

I will be urging others to write and to say " No, enough is enough"!

Respectfully,

_____________ ( via e-mail)




Remember that for every form sent there are about 1000 other people that think the way you do, but don't write!




Contacts are: PM Steven Harper     stephen.harper@parl.gc.ca


Your MP can be found on             http://www.canada.gc.ca/directories-repertoires/direct-eng.html#mem

Reflections on a Good Life

I was sitting here doing some thinking ( a rarity, I know), and asked myself this question " What 6 things do I consider memorable in my life?" That is MY life, not the world.

 Why six?

Why not?

In chronological order:

1. My parents for installing the basis for a belief in God. They positioned me at an early age where I learned the meaning of hard physical work and the satisfaction of working with my hands and body, not just my mind. They taught me what I needed to know in life, hard work pays off; perseverance pays off; loyalty to God and country is important; people are what makes life worthwhile.They gave me the basics, some of which I am still working on.











2. A good wife that has stuck by me through thick and thin.I was not ( and am still not) the easiest person to get along with. I have been described as stubborn, pig-headed, self centered, biased and compulsive. Through all this Elaine has stood by me, and given me the option of an easy way out when things were at their worst. She ran the household, gave up a good career for the children , and stuck by me during a period of burn out, the through- sickness- and- good- health bit of the marriage vows. Elaine has stuck by me even when we had moved to what seemed at times, the end of the earth. She has been the rock of my foundation.

3.My first born, Andrew who I watched grow from an idea through manhood. He caused Elaine and I to grow together through his teenage years. He was so much like me, in my childhood, yet, surprisingly different. I have always loved the outdoors, the hunting and fishing and camaraderie that goes with it. I taught him, but overall, I have learned much more from him than he has from me. I watched him pursue his life's dream, the military, but watched him pull out of it when it was taking him to a place where he did not want to ethically, or morally, go. I watched him learn from life experiences and better himself in the process.







4. My second born, Micheal, who was the "free spirit"of the two, who caused us a lot of pain and joy, who was the recipient of a major dose of "tough love" in the mid teens. He survived it, learned from it and has stepped up in many occasions to the task of being a man. What does that mean? Owning up to mistakes, taking responsibility, growing ethically and spiritually. In many ways, he has far surpassed any expectations that  I have had.







5. Six grandchildren. What can I say? Each one is an individual. Each one is a gem. Each one is a joy to watch develop into mature toddlers, pre-teens, and young adults.Each has had his/her share of difficulties and have managed to grow through them.










6. My discovery of the Lord Jesus Christ, that put meaning back into my life at my darkest hour. I always believed in a God ( more in my testimony), but did not realize just how powerful He is, until I stepped into the baptismal tank with Elaine on June 15, 2005. From that moment on, I started to change and get rid of most of the  attributes in section 2. ( I am still working on a couple). From the layman's viewpoint, it is almost impossible to comprehend the changes the Lord can do when a person accepts Him as his Savior.

I am sure that someone will ask  "What has been the most important of the six items." They are all important and part of God's plan, but as I write this, I wonder what my life would have been like had I accepted #6 as my top priority in my childhood. Items one to five may still have happened, but I am sure my life would have been much better!

I could go on and on, but I don't want to put out too much detail. The details aren't important, the main events are.

What about you? What are the most important things in your life?
 It might be worth a blog!

It Seems Spring Riding may Be Delayed a Bit.

 Just when I was getting ready to ride, down it came and is still coming. It took two hours of plowing with the quad and snow blowing to clean up the worst of it.Alpine needs some exercise. She is carrying 100 pounds more than when we first got her, but was overly thin then. Somewhere half way is probably the right weight Currently she weighs in at 1100 pounds.

 Tucker is sitting at 1150 pounds and is a little bulgy also.

 I figure we got about 8 inches of snow (20 cm) and like I said, it's still coming down.

I think I will wait a few days before digging out my truck. I probably won't need it until Wednesday. By then maybe the white stuff will melt. Ha, not going to happen. Then again, why do today what you can put off 'till tomorrow ( or the day after).

All ready to go!

Spring is just around the corner and to get ready, three saddles were cleaned and polished. This one is a used one that we got 7 years ago when we first got the horses.  If bought new, it would likely be in the neighbourhood of $2500.  We got it for  $400 and it has a good many years life left in it. We got one saddle new when we got Biz and it is the most comfortable one we own ( at least for me). It came from EBay all the way from India for a grand total of $250, or about 10% of what the saddle would cost if bought in North America. It was amazing to receive a western saddle from India of all places.

The saddle above was made by Rocky Mountain Saddlery right here in Alberta, and is at least three steps above the one made in India as far as quality goes. Cost was the major issue in buying off shore. Would I do it again? 

When I look at what is available, used, but not abused, I probably would not. There are several reasons for this. 

First is the issue of whatever you pick up, chances are it's made offshore at pennies on the dollar. This is a concern to me as we seem to be battling  high unemployment when a lot of this stuff could ( and was) at one time, be made in Canada, or the United States. The big corporations, being mainly driven by greed, and the attempt to show generous dividends, will get it made where it's cheapest to do so. If this isn't a wake-up call to Unions and Governments, I don't know what it will take to reverse it. Perhaps having Iran cut off oil to Britain and France will set the example of what can happen if an offshore supplier decides they don't like you much any more.

Second is the issue of quality. I remember when Made in Japan meant cheap and shoddy. Then made in China meant the same thing. It continues on through Korea, India, Bangladesh and the rest of Asia.  They caught up and surpassed North America very quickly in quality. It seems that we can't compete in cost or quality on a global basis anymore.

I own an Indian saddle, and own a Korean car, but in future, I will be looking at how to get quality at a reasonable price, with a Made in Canada, or Made in U.S.A. label on it.

I expect that one of these days, our governments are going to equalize the playing field and we will find our dollars worth 60 percent of today's value. Then we can put people back to work in North America.

FWIW

Getting Caught Up!

The great weather continues and although I didn't get any riding in yesterday or today, I did manage to get some projects done.

A Round To It

As "The great Procrastinator", I have managed to postpone some jobs for several years (or more). One job was to fabricate a welding table. I had all the material for about 8 years but never seemed to get a round to it. That changed today! I completed it!

The next job was a recurring one that involved trimming some horses feet.  Tucker was the first victim candidate and she did well. I took off about 3/4 inch of nail, trimmed up the frog and pared out the sole. She was real good about all the attention. Tomorrow is Biz's turn.

Tomorrow's job has been on the honey do list for 8 years, namely replacing some screens that have holes in them. I can't see the urgency, as I haven't seen a mosquito in months. Ah, well, She Who Must Be Obeyed, should get some consideration, mosquitoes or not. I was kind of hoping to hold off and make it the project of the decade. Guess I should just bite the bullet and do it.

My helper stayed by my side and gave a certain amount of encouragement. She also enjoyed a feast of horse nails and sole. Dogs!

Training Continues

With the warm weather of December, and continuing on into January, it is time to start the training of Alpine again. Besides being overweight and herd bound, she was starting to exhibit some disrespectful attitude, like turning her butt towards me. Unfortunately, in one way, the warm weather has meant that the roads etc are too icy for riding. However, on the other hand, the problems need to be addressed on the ground first, before getting into the saddle. I am getting old enough to not enjoy the healing process very much anymore. Now, that is an old thought, and I should not be having those!

So, it started yesterday. Brush her down and turn her loose in the paddock, followed by 20 minutes of moving her around with a swinging rope and no lunge line. After the 20 minutes, her ears were on me, she stopped and started chewing, IE. thinking. I turned my back and waited and she hooked up to me and put her head on my shoulder. She then followed me to the gate where I hooked her up to the lead line and took her for  a half mile walk. She was as good as gold with no attempt to go back to her herd.

Today, I figured on doing the same thing to Biz, who also had the above symptoms. Instead, Alpine came up to me and nuzzled the halter. So off we went. I brushed her, moved her around the paddock until she hooked up, then we went for a one mile walk, both of us. Again, she was extremely well behaved. She didn't spook when 4 of the neighbours horses came running up to the fence, nor did she spook (other than laugh) when I slipped on the ice and went down.

A real bonus occurred when two kids came up on two VERY loud snow machines, you know, the kind with a large engine, but very small muffler. I am giving them the benefit of the doubt by suggesting that there may be a muffler involved somewhere. She didn't like it at all, went to high alert (Defcon3), but did not try to run. The kids were good, they slowed down and went by real slow before hitting the throttle again.

Tomorrow, I may throw a saddle on her in the upper field where there is some snow and good traction.

I will also find out who is hurting the most, me or her. This is the part that I like, training or retaining a horse. Maybe I should look for a young filly in the spring. Nope, bad thought as Elaine said "No more animals". I guess that I should work with what I've got and be thankful for the blessings that the Lord has given us!

Boots

This is how he got his name! A favourite sleeping spot as a pup.

At 8 weeks old he was awfully cute

 He filled out to look like a typical Border Collie, intent, alert and hard working.

His first love is trying to herd horses. Horses don't herd well and I have seen him get kicked 38 times ( and counting). The results are, cut ribs, cut face, broken off tooth and a dog that is stone deaf.

 Somehow, he maintains his ability to look cute!

 An outdoor dog at heart, he refuses to come into the house, except for a small nap now and again when it's really cold outside.

That's our Boots!

I Like It!

Somewhere, from Somebody, I picked this up!

A Not-so-humble Valedictorian Speech

As the school year draws to a close, high school valedictorians are giving their inspirational speeches at graduation ceremonies across the country. But beneath their generous words of humility, I can’t help wondering if there lurks the desire to give a less than modest speech .......
Ladies and Gentlemen, Principal Payne, Teachers, Parents, My Fellow Students and their Parole Officers:


The school year has now concluded. To all my classmates who entered 12th grade (again) this year, you have certainly left a lasting impression on your teachers. I, on the other hand, have excelled in all academic areas.


Throughout the year, while most of you were vanquishing imaginary foes on your computer screens, I devoted my days to study and it has paid off. Soon, I will commence my Ph.D. at a top Ivy League college; you, however, are destined to become proficient at asking the question: "Paper or plastic, Ma’am?"


Let’s begin with the football jocks. While you were on the field practicing for a life-time of head and spinal injuries, I started a Day Trading Club in the computer center and made my first million before your coach could scream "torn rotator cuff." And while the rest of you were either cheerleading or boozing at post-game celebrations, I was dazzling the national Mathematics Association by quietly solving the square root of negative one.


Speaking of math, many of you emailed me throughout the year for help; but despite my best efforts, I soon realized the futility. I mean, how can you help people who fail to comprehend that integration has nothing to do with race relations; that the unit conversion of feet into centipedes is impossible; or that pumpkin pie has no relevance in geometry?


Another highlight for me was Economics Class, where I received the school’s competitive and highly coveted Madoff Prize for the assigned essay, "A History of Pyramid Schemes." Many of you who also entered a paper were jealous of my success, but were clearly foolish to follow my advice and focus your discussion on Egyptology. In all honesty, I believe most of you failed to grasp any of the fundamental course concepts, and wasted far too much time swapping baseball hats after that class on Cap-and-Trade principles.


Since my talents also extended to the Arts, I feel obliged to mention that the music director was especially impressed when I suggested introducing the concert harp to the school band. I should like to acknowledge little Abby Smith who marched with her harp as we played Wagner’s complete Ring Cycle during the 14-hour extended half-time at the homecoming game. Although the hernia and collapsed lung were regrettable, I understand she finishes physical therapy soon and is looking forward to completing 12th grade next year.


As for our other teachers, they have learned much from me, as well. Mr. Epstein-Barr, the soccer coach and physics teacher, now has a better understanding of quantum mechanics and no longer uses terms such as Schrödinger’s Ketchup, Einstein’s theory of evolution, walking the Planck Constant, or the Big Bangs Theory of hairdressing.


I also recall the brief battle of wits I had with our philosophy teacher during the first day of class, after telling him how I named our Jack Russell terrier, Bertrand, when I was just 5 years old. Unimpressed, he informed me "you are arrogant and a nobody," to which I promptly retorted: "Nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect." Disappearing in a puff of logic, he immediately retired and now hangs around toy stores assuring kids that Plato is not modeling clay. I was happy to lead the class for the remainder of the semester.


Finally, let me say that, aside from knowing all of you, my main disappointment this year was failing to become class president. At first, this stunned me, because I had pledged an exciting visit to the New York Stock Exchange for our senior trip, rather than that tedious Caribbean cruise the rest of you eventually took.


However, I was not surprised that Harry Thistlewaite was elected instead. After all, he did make promises that were impossible to keep, distorted the truth, and fabricated a collection of fallacious stories about his abilities and competence. Along these lines, I expect he will excel should he attempt to break into state politics.


Thank you, and don’t keep in touch.


Nick Thomas is a freelance writer. He has written features for the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Boston Globe, San Francisco Chronicle, and the Christian Science Monitor. He can be reached at www.along-these-lines.com

What on Earth are We Doing?

Now, this may rankle a few folks, but I don't intend to apologize.

Since October I have been listening to adds on the radio, on TV and on billboards to buy this, that and the other thing for Christmas. All are glittery, expensive and "must haves" if you are considered to be "in". I don't have a problem with people giving and getting gifts, however, there is a limit on how "in" I need to be.

What does irk me though is the constant reference to Santa Clause. We have made him an icon. Sure he was a great man back in Kris Kringle days, but now we appear to be worshiping him. This started to bother me a couple of years ago when we attended a Public School's version of a Christmas pageant. The only thing Christmas- y about it was the banner over the stage that said "Merry Christmas". There was no mention of Jesus, no mention of the true Christmas story and no appropriate music.

For the next 3 weeks we get to look at all the cute TV shows such as Elf,  Rudolph etc. that are put on in the guise of Christmas entertainment. They have nothing to do with the Lord's coming!

It appears to me now, that unless we as parents, grandparents, etc take the time to tell of the miraculous birth of Jesus Christ, the wise men and all the way up to the Apostles, this generation is going to believe that Santa Clause is God, at least for several months a year.

Now this is getting into dangerous territory as God does not like the worship of idols, and has in history decimated cities and nations for this practice, and has issued strong warnings in His Holy Word about worshiping false gods.

Having said this, we are planning on a simple gift to each other, attending a Christmas Eve service at our local church, and celebrating His birth on Christmas Day.

Hopefully, I do not come across as a Grinch, but only as a guy that has had enough of the shameless commercialism  of a Christian holiday. I will likely have a similar rant when it becomes time to "worship" the Easter Bunny.